The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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