like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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