Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
