Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
