I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
FUCK WHALES
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