420 ftw
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
