I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
