they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
