He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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