If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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