There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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