You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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