I feel great
I just peed on a car
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
