recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
