just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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