cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
