yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
