he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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