brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize