I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
