I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
