woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
