Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
