I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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