It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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