Me too!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
