i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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