bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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