Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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