Me. At least after what I've been through.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
