he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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