I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
