She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
