If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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