did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
