I'm gonna have a badass scar
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
