im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
