Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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