i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
