Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just got carded by a ten year old.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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