guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
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