she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You're like the curious george of whores
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
