We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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