you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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