dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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