At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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