Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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