a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
