Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
