all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
