we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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