I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
