next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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