You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
