she looked like the before picture.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
