We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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