I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
