You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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