I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
